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Text File  |  1986-04-06  |  3KB  |  218 lines
  1. .INTRODUCTION
  2. Congratulations, you have just
  3. purchased
  4. a revolutionary new electronic tool.
  5. Greetings, you have just
  6. spent $500 on
  7. a diskette.
  8. Bravo, you have just
  9. staked your future in
  10. a portable Multi-user lap computer.
  11. Felicitations, you have just
  12. invested in
  13. a soon-to-be defunct product.
  14. Welcome, you have just
  15. agreed to
  16. an irrevocable licence contract.
  17. Hi there, you have just
  18. found
  19. a user's guide.
  20. .SYSTEM OVERVIEW:
  21. This computer
  22. revolutionizes
  23. life on earth.
  24. This device
  25. shakes
  26. civilization.
  27. This machine
  28. exudes
  29. insane greatness.
  30. This masterpiece
  31. resembles
  32. an abacus.
  33. This hardware
  34. installs with
  35. 1/4-inch nut driver.
  36. This gizmo
  37. thrives on
  38. 250 ma of -12 Vdc, +/-10%
  39. This contraption
  40. simulates
  41. the old grey matter.
  42. This unit
  43. employs
  44. advanced technology.
  45. This circuit board
  46. is compatible with
  47. garage door openers.
  48. This system
  49. has no
  50. bugs.
  51. This utility
  52. requires
  53. friendliness.
  54. This source code
  55. emulates
  56. Andy Rooney.
  57. This toolèmandates
  58. version 1.38c of OS-360.
  59. This program
  60. is targeted to
  61. computer science Ph.D.s.
  62. This package
  63. is certified for
  64. social redeemable value
  65. This database
  66. is suitable for
  67. family programming.
  68. .HARDWARE OVERVIEW:
  69. The keyboard
  70. attaches via
  71. snake-like cable.
  72. The screen
  73. displays
  74. pretty green.
  75. The disk drive
  76. sounds like
  77. turbine engine.
  78. The printer
  79. attaches to
  80. right angle PCB mounted 25-pin "D" type connector.
  81. The memory
  82. refreshes in
  83. the powder room.
  84. The modem
  85. modulates and demodulates
  86. Ma Bell.
  87. The speaker
  88. hums
  89. syncronized dance music.
  90. The joystick
  91. manipulates
  92. fish in an aquarium.
  93. The mouse
  94. discharges on
  95. the screen.
  96. The touch pad
  97. senses
  98. your biorhythms.
  99. The network
  100. interfaces through
  101. wires.
  102. The RAM disk
  103. stores
  104. stuff.
  105. The hard disk
  106. supports
  107. bunch of stuff.
  108. .SOFTWARE OVERVIEW:
  109. DOS
  110. means
  111. 'dis operating system.
  112. BIOS
  113. representsèbig operating system.
  114. CPS
  115. translates to
  116. carrots per second.
  117. IO
  118. stands for
  119. input onion.
  120. DIP
  121. signifies
  122. snuff.
  123. The main menu
  124. offers
  125. things.
  126. The exit function
  127. obliterates
  128. everything.
  129. The first operation
  130. does
  131. something.
  132. The last operation
  133. repeats
  134. anything.
  135. The zero selection
  136. performs
  137. nothing.
  138. Abort
  139. breaks
  140. program.
  141. Break
  142. programs
  143. abort.
  144. Control-c
  145. pulls
  146. plug.
  147. F10
  148. brings
  149. help.
  150. Escape
  151. decouples
  152. trance.
  153. .FORMATTING A DISKETTE:
  154. Slide
  155. the brown oxide coated plastic donut
  156. into the first drive.
  157. Stick
  158. the black diskette
  159. into the ovarian opening.
  160. Stuff
  161. the round thing with tracks
  162. into the drive mouth
  163. Store
  164. the empty diskette
  165. into the do-hickey.
  166. Stash
  167. the recording media
  168. into the recording deviceè.BACKING UP:
  169. Copy
  170. what you want
  171. to what you don't want.
  172. Reproduce
  173. new stuff
  174. onto old stuff.
  175. Destroy
  176. old data
  177. with new data.
  178. Fill
  179. archived files
  180. from active files.
  181. Ship
  182. source sectors
  183. to destination sectors.
  184. .SUMMARY:
  185. If you have a problem
  186. call
  187. dial-a-prayer.
  188. If you have a prayer
  189. phone
  190. dial-a-problem.
  191. If you have trouble
  192. contact
  193. the Better Business Bureau.
  194. If the software fails
  195. get rid of
  196. your hardware.
  197. If the hardware fails
  198. junk
  199. your software.
  200. If the hardware and software fail
  201. rewire
  202. your home.
  203. If the printer smokes
  204. open
  205. a window.
  206. If the screen jitters
  207. buy
  208. 3-D glasses.
  209. If the drive wobbles
  210. check
  211. The alignment and brakes.
  212. If this guide makes no sence
  213. remove
  214. the write tab from behind your ear.
  215. .THE END.
  216.  
  217.  
  218.